You can’t hurry trust, you just have to wait
You can’t rush this exchange of ideas and positions because it relies on building trust between you and your conversation partners. They may want to see what you do with the initial information they share with you before they give any more.
Another reason we shouldn’t rush the creative alignment phase of conversations is that time to reflect is a really important part of the thinking and evaluating process. Our brains need that time to make connections and come to a new level of awareness. Some realisations are only possible when we’re doing something else, and some positions soften towards alternative possibilities. They become more familiar, often just because we’ve had time to sit with them for longer.
It means that when we next come together to continue the conversation, we can be more nuanced and more considered. Possibly even more open to other people’s ideas that, at first, we rejected.
If you’re thinking, “But that’s so slow. I just want to get in there and get stuff done,” then this might help.
Think of it as an approach that encourages generosity and emotional connection in your conversations. The more generous people feel, the more likely they are to share their best ideas with you. And the stronger the emotional connection between you, the quicker you’ll be able to work through the harder parts of negotiating and contracting.
So slower now, perhaps, but quicker and stronger later.
Enjoy the people you’re in conversation with
Plus give yourself permission to enjoy just being in conversation with others, learning how they think and finding out what’s important to them. This is just as important aspect of leadership as strategising and getting stuff done. And it will show up in your manner, the way to make people feel and how loyal they feel towards you.
And it’s critical to the next phase, the contracting phase.